it's borked - programming was a mistake


Playlists: 'trans-tech-tent' videos starting here / audio

So we made sand that's able to do things, but to tell it to do more things we create some electricity and it makes the sand go brrrr? What could go wrong? !srs>

It turns out that everyone designed programming languages to be ""the best"", so we don't need more than one, right? ... Oh.
Well there's logical reasons for one over the other at least? ... Oh?
At least most have a common set of features that work flawles.... you get the point.

This talk is a (learned) shitpost, that goes over nitpicks I have with a variety of programming languages, like:
- why does Python have a chunk size for content in HTTP requests that's arbitrarily 10kB?
- why did Rust never bother to handle JSON internally?
- why is JavaScript? or by extension WTF JSFUCK!
- why does PHP have 3 semantic styles in it's code?
- why is Java's Optional syntax such garbage?

Why use esoteric languages, when we have esoteric languages at home!

(This talk is in part inspired by ""Wat"", a lightning talk by Gary Bernhardt at Pycon 2014, but won't aim to replicate its style or the content discussed.)